THREE JOKES

1)
A recent college graduate applied for a job as a press aide to his local Congressman. He received the following letter back: "We did some checking on your resume and found it to be full of exaggerations, distortions, half-truths, and lies. When can you start?"

2)
A woman at the opera said to her date, "That soprano has a large repertoire." Her date replied, "Yes, she does. And that dress shows most of it."

3)
What did the discouraged, Yiddish-speaking sailor say?

Answer:

3. Ahoyveyismir