IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT - 2012

Below are some "winners" and dishonorable mentions form the 2012 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Please see the DARK AND STORMY NIGHT post for July 8, 2014 for an explanation of this contest.

As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noticed the infestation of eyelash mites burrowing into his hair follicles, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.
Cathy Bryant, Manchester, England

Corinne considered the colors (palest green, gray, and iridescent lavender) and texture (downy as the finest velvet) and wondered - "How long has this baloney been in my refrigerator?"
Linda Boatright, Omaha, Nebraska

The real problem with the "many universes" interpretation of quantum mechanics is that if it's true, then somewhere, in some universe, anything you can possibly imagine has already happened, which means that somewhere, another version of Lance had already finished writing the rest of his novel, so he wasn't feeling real inspired to do it himself.
Steve Lauducci, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

She slinked through my door wearing a dress that looked like it had been painted on......not with good paint, like Sherwin-Williams, but with that watered-down stuff that bubbles up right away if you don't prime the surface before you slap it on, and - just like that cheap paint - the dress needed two more coats to cover her.
Sue Fondrie, Appleton, Wisconsin