DID YOU HEAR ABOUT XX

Did you hear about.......................

1. The buff ancient ruler?
2. The guy who could not eat breakfast without bread?
3. The Kindergartener who wouldn't take a nap?
4. The kitchen remodeler who was arrested?
5. The chess player who accidentally pushed a pawn?
6. The guy who hadn't had a car accident in forty years?
7. The chef's helper who threw a bowl of pancake mix at his boss?

Answers:

1. Attila the Hunk 
2. He was lack toast intolerant. (Merl Reagle) 
3. He was charged with resisting arrest.
4. He was charged with counter fitting.
5. He was arrested for disturbing the piece.
6. He was arrested for wreckless driving.
7. He was charged with battery.

Credit: #4, 5, 6
NY Times Crossword
Patrick Berry
OVERZEALOUS POLICE