ACTUAL CLASSIFIED ADS

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used. Ask for Chubby.

SNOW BLOWER for sale. Only used on snowy days

45-VOLUME COMPLETE SET Encyclopedia Britannica
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last week. Wife knows everything.

ILLITERATE? Write today for help.

AUTO REPAIR Try us once and you'll never go anywhere again

STOCK UP AND SAVE Limit: one

HAND LAUNDRY We do not tear your clothes with machines. We do it carefully by hand.

USED TOMBSTONE Perfect for someone named
Homer Hendel Bergen-Heinzel. One only.

USED CARS Why go elsewhere and be cheated? Come here first.

WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke.
P.O. Box 322 Oakview, CA 93022. You'll get paid after we get back.
Must bring your own weapons.