1. Which vowels are always nine inches long?
2. Why is "O" the only vowel you can hear?
3. How can a marriage shorten the alphabet?
4. Why is "I" the happiest vowel?

Answers:

1. A and Y. Each is one-fourth of a yard
2. All the others are inaudible. (in A U d I b l E)
3. When "U" and "I" are one
4. It's alone in bliss, while E is in hell, and all the others are in Purgatory.