IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT -  2005 - 2007

Below are some "winners" from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Please see the DARK AND STORMY NIGHT post from July 8, 2014 for an explanation of this contest.

2005
Detective
   The double agent looked up from his lunch of Mahi-Mahi and couscous and realized that he must escape from Walla Walla to Bora Bora to come face-to-face with his arch enemy by taking out his
.30-.30 and shooting off his nemesis' ear-to-ear grin so he could wave bye-bye to this duplicitous life, but the chances of his pulling this off were only so-so, much less than 50-50.
Charles Jaworski, North Pole, AK

Vile Puns
       Falcon was her name and she was quite the bird of prey, sashaying past her adolescent admirers from one anchor store to another, past the kiosks where earrings longed to lie upon her lobes and sunglasses hoped to nestle on her nose, seemingly the beginning of a beautiful friendship with whomsoever caught the eye of the mall tease, Falcon.
Jay Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LA

2006
Western
   "I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives, or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"
Stuart Vasepuru, Edinburgh, Scotland

2007
   Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee.
Jim Gleeson, Madison, WI

   He was often found lurking behind the bakery, begging for scraps and practicing his rap, which is why he was known locally, as the synonym bum.
Ed Harrison, Lyman, ME

Western
   The easy and comforting roll of the saddle was second nature to Luke, and as  he gazed off into the distant setting sun, he wondered if he had enough change for one more ride at the supermarket before he had to return to the home.
Glenn Lawrie, Chungnam, South Korea

   Hector had just met Sabina minutes before, and yet there they were, knees touching, faces just inches apart  in the dimly-lit room, and her gazing deeply into his eyes, which should not have been a surprise to either of them given that she was an opthalmologist and he was a boxer whose left retina may have become detached the night before when "Mad Dog" Washington clocked him with a vicious right cross.
Ray Campbell, Redwood Shores, CA