RESUME REGRETS V

Worst foot forward - the following are actual comments taken from job applications:

1. Experience: I'm a hard worker, etc. 

2. Reason for leaving previous job: I thought the world was coming to an end.

3. Personal: I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut

4. Experience: I have a lifetime's worth of technical expertise. (I wasn't born - my mother simply chose "eject child" from the special menu.)

5. Qualifications: I am bi-lingual in three languages.

6. I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone's door and absorb as much as possible.

7. Let's meet so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. 

8. Interests: Gossiping

9. Objective: So one of the main things for me is, as the movie "Jerry McGuire" puts it, "Show me the money."

10. Achievements: First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982