IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT - ARCHIVE IV

"Winners" and Dishonorable Mentions from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Archive

2000 

The lone monarch butterfly flew flutteringly through the cemetery, dancing on and glancing against headstone after headstone, before alighting atop Willie Mitchell's already lowered casket, causing gasps of awe to fly from the open mouths of five or six lingering mourners, until a big shovelful of dirt landed on it and it died. 

Julie Stangeland

Seal Beach, CA 

 

It was the classic conundrum - Marry Dirk, who truly lover her, or spend the summer in Iceland shoeing horses and teaching geodesic science to indigent zucchini farmers - but in the end she knew she knew she could only follow her heart, which was what brought her to the airport, passport in hand. 

 

Melissa Affolter

Marion, OH 

 

Dr. Doolittle's visage darkened as he dissected the diseased duodenum of the deceased male sheep, declaring that the malady was critically contagious and that it was our patriotic duty to guard the severed specimens from possible biological terrorists, so all through the night o'er t he ram parts we watched.

 

Glen Wasson

San Andreas, CA 

 

It's hard to believe that Lucy and I are actually getting married, considering the fact that her multi-millionaire father owns the local NFL franchise, and I'm just a lowly, underpaid member of the grounds crew, relegated to painting the team logo on the field, which is actually a fairly difficult job, what with all the little flairs, curlicues and swooshes I have to deal with, not to mention the texture of the turf itself, relative humidity and all the foot traffic it gets . . . but I dye grass.

 

Wm. W. "Buddy" Ocheltree

Lilburn, GA 

 

Terry the Tarantula and Wendy the Wasp were cavorting together in the Flowery Meadow, (as they were the best of friends in all the Enchanted Forest of Miggly-Wompsley), when, all of a sudden, and with no warning whatsoever, Wendy accidentally stabbed Terry with her stinger, making her very sad for she knew that soon her poison would paralyze her friend and after a while her eggs would hatch inside him, and then her happy wriggling larva would slowly eat him alive, but Terry tried to smile and would have told her not to be sad as this was how the Circle of Life was continued, but he was in too much pain and, as I mentioned before, paralyzed.

 

Delano Lopez

Washington, D.C. 

 

It was a dark and stormy night as Jacque the baker slogged through the black cheerless alleyways of Avignon, the cold Provencal rain soaking him to the bone, increasing his fury at having chosen the life of a breadmaker, for the early hours truly went against his grain and it chaffed him that he trudged to work in wee hours of the morning while the rest of the world loafed in bed; what more proof did he need of his misery, why did he bother, surely it was not for the dough, exasperating as the rise and fall of the boulangerie's business might be, and suddenly he knew with conviction that he was, after all, just a gluten for punishment.

 

James Bardsley

Skillman, NJ 

 

It was a stork, and Darmy Knight, the intrepid, nearsighted veterinarian who was prone to making deliberate, yet rash decisions, thereby surprising his very impressionable and lovely, painfully shy, velvet-eyed assistant with whom he was secretly in love, in the operating room, particularly where large-billed waterfowl were concerned, especially this one, especially here, especially tonight, was confused.

 

Liane Allen

Andover, MA 

 

Although somewhat plump in appearance, Dolores had an unmistakable quality of grace and elegance that her loving husband once described as an "unmistakable quality of grace and elegance, despite her somewhat plump appearance."

 

Peter Cruickshank 

Hanover, Ontario 

 

Her low-cut, revealing gown was black - black like her heart, although not really because everyone knows that the heart is just an internal organ whose natural pigment is pink just like the lungs, except, of course, for the lungs of a long-time smoker which may be a black as her low-cut, revealing gown. 

 

Jennie Powell

Morgantown, WV