JOKES

The New York City School Board has officially declared Jewish English---now dubbed Hebonics---as a second language. According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at NYU and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Professor Schollman explains: In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question---plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus, "How are you?" may be answered, "How should I be, with these feet?"

Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics:

Question: Do you want to go to the mountains?
English Answer: That sounds great!
Hebonics Answer: Mountains? Stay home. You want a nosebleed?

Statement: It's a beautiful day!
English Answer: It is!
Hebonics Answer: So the sun is out. What else is new?

Question: Do you have the time?
English Answer: Sorry, I don't.
Hebonics Answer: Do I look like a clock?

Comment: Today's my birthday.
English Answer: Happy birthday!
Hebonics Answer: A year smarter you should become.

Statement: Sarah and I are engaged.
English Answer: Congratulations!
Hebonics Answer: She could stand to lose a few pounds.

Comment: Thank you for the two ties you gave me. I'm wearing one now.
English Answer: You're welcome.
Hebonics Answer: So you don't like the other one?

Response to a call from son:
English: It's been a while since I heard from you.
Hebonics: You were wondering if I'm dead?