FROM READER'S DIGEST

You know it's bad.........

I knew the romance had gone out of our marriage when my husband, while watching a news program about a man purported to be one of the sexiest in America, turned to me and said, "He's not even good-looking. If you were a woman, would you be interested in him?"

Come On, Grandma............

After her 90th birthday, my friend Marie found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So she decided to send checks to everyone instead. On each card she wrote, "Buy your own present," and she mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry of family activities. Only after Christmas did she get around to clearing off her cluttered desk. Under a stack of papers she was mortified to find the gift checks which she had forgotten to enclose.

Desperately Seeking Bob

When I was 81/2 months pregnant, I had to return some auto parts my husband had bought by mistake. At the store, I asked the clerk to point out Bob, the man my husband had dealt with. Told that he was in the back of the building, I waddled over to a group of four men deep in conversation. "Hey!" I shouted. "I'm looking for Bob." A burly man stepped forward. "Lady," he said, "I swear I never seen you in my life."

Where Am I?

Jerry Garcia wakes up in a white room surrounded by musical instruments. He sees Jimi Hendrix pick up a guitar. John Lennon sits down at the piano, and Janis Joplin, Buddy Holly, and Elvis step up to the microphones. "Wow," says Jerry. "There really is a rock 'n' roll heaven, and I'm going to jam with the band." Hearing this, Elvis leans over and says, "You think this is heaven?" Just then Karen Carpenter enters the room and sits down at the drums. "Okay, everybody," she says, 'Close to You' ......One, two......."