SPELLING COUNTS VIII

The signs and notices below are posted on a website called, What a difference one letter makes, Collection by Joe Gulick. The website features actual photographs of the bloopers.

On a DAYS INN sign: WELCOME FREE WIFE

Medical facility sign: IMPATIENT PARKING ONLY

Newspaper add: PORN AND BEANS 2 FOR $1

Billboard: 100% ANUS BEEF

Sign: CLOSED DUE TO PERSONAL CIRCUMCISIONS

Sign: TODAY THE DINING ROOM CLOSED AT 6:OO PM

          SORRY FOR YOUR INCONTINENCE

 

On the announcement of a High School Senior Prom:

THIS IS ARE STORY

On a telephone pole: TUDORING

Tattoos:

A LOVE THICKER THEN .....

SWEET PEE

LOVE CONCURS ALL

YOU ONLY LIVE ONES

NOLEDGE IS POWER

 

On a church sign at Christmas time:

COME SEE SATAN TODAY 10-12 

Signs: ILLEGALLY PARKED CARS WILL BE FINE

                                                                               TOAD

 

Message from husband to wife:

HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME

WISH YOU WERE HER

     

TYPO TROUBLE

GAMES Magazine

May, 2014

Gloria Rosenthal 

There are five typos in the following paragraph, a single mistyped letter in each of five words  - which reverse the original meaning of the paragraph. Can you find the five typos and restore the original message?

 

Amy dates men who are brilliant and can't help adoring a man for his brain. When she heard that Ed mailed in his MENSA test and will now be admitted, she knew he was the one for her. They're planning to be married and will undoubtedly have a full life together. 

Answer:

 

Amy hates men who are brilliant and can't help adoring a man for his brawn. When she heard that Ed had failed his MENSA test and would not be admitted, she knew he was the one for  her. They're planning on getting married and will undoubtedly have dull life together.

SPELLING COUNTS VII

Q. What could explain CASEY's name being spelled KRCMU?

(Possible) Answer:

CASEY dictated her name as:

C as in chaos 

A as  in arpeggio

S as in scenery

E as in empty

Y as in youth

SPELLING COUNTS VI

From Anguished English

Richard Lederer 

1. It was a very elaborate funeral. It took six men to carry the beer.

 

2. My uncle suffered from sick as hell anemia. 

3. Some say the cult members were Satin worshipers.

4. During peek season, the beach is covered by hundreds of bikini-clad beauties.

5.The Vestal Virgins were pure and chased.

6. Restaurant sign: No bear feet allowed inside.

7. Classified ad: Accuratley Yours: Professional word processing. We'll correct your grammer and mispellings

8. Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith request the honor of your presents at the marriage of their daughter Mary to Mr. John Jones

From Reader's Digest

Submitted by Robert Halstead 

While celebrating an auspicious milestone, our university medical school ordered 2,000 pens with the inscription "Faculty of Medicine" to hand out to guests. When the pens arrived, all 2,000 of them had this inauspicious message: "Faulty of Medicine."

SPELLING COUNTS V

HUMMUS is a Middle Eastern dip made from mashed chickpeas. HUMUS is decaying organic matter in soil. 

HOLLYWOOD FACT!

The marriage of Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal was the most spell-checked marriage in history.

SPELLING COUNTS IV

From Reader's Digest 

Submitted by Melody Delzell

   I was on the phone at the end of the day when my boss walked in and pressed a sticky note onto a nearby filing cabinet. I had already put away my glasses and was in a rush to leave, so I quickly scanned the slip of paper and called after him, "I have feelings for you too."

   He looked back at me quizzically and was gone. Then I took a closer look at the note. It read, "I have filing for you."

*************************

From Reader's Digest

 

California Monthly runs a contest called "Twisted Titles," in which readers are asked to change one letter in a popular name and supply a catch phrase. Among those published:

Faith of a fisherman who runs out of worms

Heaven Can Bait

 

Opening remarks at a Santa Claus training school

Just Say Ho

 

Pen name of a subway graffiti artist

Mark Train

 

Shotgun wedding

A Matter of Wife or Death

Australian asks directions to a Bay area city

Do You Know the Why to San Jose?

 

Harry Belafonte-endowed wing of a hospital

Dayo Clinic

 

Ripley's unsuccessful brother

The Man Without a Fact

 

 

SPELLING COUNTS III

 

END GAME

GAMES/World of Puzzles

February, 2021

Ogden Porter

 

In general, to form plurals in English, you add either S or ES (and possibly change Y to I). There are a number of plural words, however, that do not follow this rule. Without resorting to words that are plurals of themselves (e.g. DEER), can you think of eight different letters of the alphabet other than S that are final letters of English plural nouns - and give at least one example of each?

 

Answers:

 

A - Atria

E - Dice

H - Teeth

I - Radii

M - Cherubim

N - Children

T - Feet

X - Beaux 

SPELLING COUNTS II

According to a survey by Cornell-Kimball, what are the four most commonly misspelled words in Internet news groups?

1. SEPARATE - 23%
2. EMBARRASS - 55%
3. MILLENNIUM - ?
4. MINUSCULE - 68%

Source:
NPR Weekend Edition Sunday Puzzle
December 22, 2019
Will Shortz  

SPELLING COUNTS I

Social announcement in the Malvern, Iowa Leader for a retirement party: "Please, no gifts: just the honor of your presents."