DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXVII

GAMES/World of Puzzles

April, 2019

Ethan More 

SPINOFF IDEAS

Did you hear about the spinoff show where ...............

1. June and Ward Cleaver adopt an extremely naughty boy?

2.  Collie tries to break into show biz at the Tropicana?

Answer:

1. It's called Leave It To Beavis.

2. It's called I Love Lassie.

 

 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXVI

Did you hear about ................

1. The classic story of Greek ruins?

2. The story of a Roman optometrist?

3. The manual for punctuation lovers?

4. The epic rabbit story?

5. The tale of the female chariot racer?

Answers:

1. Oedipus Wrecks

2. Eye Claudius

3. The Comma Sutra

4. Warren Piece

5. Ben Her

 

Credit:

Emily Cox and Henry Rathvon

TELL ME A STORY

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXV

Did you hear about ...................

1. The impersonal trainer?

2. The ballerina whose costume was lost just before the performance?

Answers:

1. Yeah, we meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

2. She had to wear a substitutu.

Credit:

1: George Carlin 

2. Pamela Smith in Reader's Digest 

 DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXIV

Did you hear about .....................

1. The merger of Kodak and Microsoft?

2. The merger of AT&T and Hallmark?

3. The computer keyboard that had sticky A,E,I,O and U keys?

Answers:

1. They make picture windows.

2. They make calling cards. 

3. It suffered from irritable vowel syndrome.

 

Credit:

1-2: John M. Samson

3: Reader's Digest 

    Angie Bulakites

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXIII

Did you hear about ......................

1. The support group for hypochondriacs?

2. The support group for procrastinators?

3. The seat-belt makers' court case?

4. The hip-hop drummer's court case?

5. The guy whose girlfriend asked him to take her somewhere expensive?

 

Answers:

 

1. Every member calls in sick, but they all show up for the meeting.

2. They meet twice a week for two hours, from 7:00 - 10:00

3. They were issued a restraining order.

4. He beat the rap.

5. He took her to the gas station.

 

Credit:

1: Reader's Digest 

    Submitted by Wendy Davis 

2: Joseph Appel

3-4: Cathy Millhauser 

5. Reader's Digest  

    Submitted by Yvette Simpson 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXII

Did you hear about ......................

1. The Italian chef who died?

2. The agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?

3. The kidnapping at the elementary school?

4. The crow who tried to start a social club?

5. The ship carrying red and brown paint that went aground on an island? 

 

Answers:

 

1. He pasta way last week.

2. He stayed awake all night wondering if there was a dog.

3. The teacher had to wake him up.

4. It was charged with attempted murder.

5. The crew was marooned for three days. 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LXI

Did you hear about .....................

1. The guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day?

2. The price of duck feathers?

3. The guy who bragged he put a jigsaw puzzle together in one day?

4. The alien dressmaker who opened a new store?

Answers:

1. By Friday, he couldn't get his shoes on.

2. They're more expensive - even down is up.

3. The box said 2-4 years.

4. It's called "Clothes Encounters." 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LX

Did you hear about .....................

1. The man who moved out of the French Riviera city?

2. The combination beauty salon and deli-nosh?

3. The combination funeral home and Italian restaurant?

Answers:

1. No more Mr. Nice guy

2. It's called Locks and Bagels.

3. They serve pizza and bier. 

 

Credits:

1: Randolph Ross

2-3: Steve Faiella 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LIX

Did you hear about .....................

1. The doctors' protest march? 

2. The new restaurant in Heaven? 

3. The tailor who's in financial distress?

4. The Hawaiian guy who burned the steak?

5. The cheese factory that exploded in France?

6. The guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

7. The famous jazz trumpeter hired to play at a bris?

 

Answers:

 

1. No one knew what it was about - they couldn't read the signs.

2. It's called PASTA WAY.

3. He's hanging on by a thread.

4. He should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

5. There was nothing left but de brie.

6. He won the NO BELL prize.

7. Mohels Davis

  

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LVIII

Did you hear about .......................

1. The newest hedge trimmer?

2. The sushi that was stuck to the platter?

Answers:

1. It's cutting edge technology 

2. They were joined at the hip. (susHI Platter)

Credit:
2: Jeff Chen

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LVII

Did you hear about .......................

1. The new J. Paul Getty sitcom?

2. The extra-long knife designed for slicing four bread loaves simultaneously?

3. The musician who married another musician and had two musical children?

 

Answers:

 

1. It's called, "Oil in the Family."

2. It's called a four-loaf cleaver. 

3. Solo, Duet, Trio, Quartet

 

Credits:

1: Harvey Estes

2. WITZ 

    From The Enigma 

    April, 2021

    Do you feel lucky? 

3. Joseph Appel 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LVI

Did you hear about .......................

1. The cow in Kentucky?

2. The dyslexic devil worshiper?

3. The re-incarnation party?

4. The guy from Brussels who couldn't make up his mind?

5. The wildebeest who was getting dressed when he got trampled by a herd of buffalo?

 

Answers:

 

1. It chewed blue grass and mooed indigo.

2. He sold his soul to Santa.

3. People are supposed to come as they were.

4. He was a Belgian waffler.

5. It was the first self-dressed stomped antelope.

 

Credit:

1. Emily Cox and Henry Rathvon 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LV

Did you hear about ....................

 

1. The grammarian brother of Harpo and Groucho?

2. The pagan brother of Orville and Wilbur?

3. The deli that was also a flower shop? 

4. The dog who had puppies on the side of the road?

 

Answers:

 

1. His name was Diacritical Marx.

2. His name was Fertility Wright. 

3. The name of the shop was Phlox and Bagels.

4. She got a ticket for littering.

 

Credit:

1-2: Emily Cox and Henry Rathvon 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LIV

Did you hear about .....................

1. The man who spent all his money on a limousine?

2. The couple who reported the theft of their valuable, antique mirror? 

 

3. The census workers who treated the residents of a hard-to-tract area at a food truck selling Mexican food, so they could interview them there?

Answers:

1. He had nothing to chauffeur it.    

2. The police are looking into it.

3.  They called it "Taco 'bout the census."

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LIII

From Reader's Digest

Did you hear about ....................

1. The poll taker who was fired?
2. The chicken who ate a racing form?
3. The U.S. mint employees who went on strike?
4. The energy plan where everyone in a community uses one enormous solar unit?
5. The Fisherman's Information Bureau in Chicago, which preserves fishing records of all kinds?

Answers:

1. He wouldn't take no for an answer.
2. It's now laying odds.
3. They went on strike to make less money.
4. It's called Sunny and Share
5. It's commonly known as FIB.

Contributors:
1. Lou Erickson
2. Bob Goddard
3. Jack Herbert 
4. Shelby Friedman
5. Paul Crume 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LII

Did you hear about ...................

1. The football fanatic?
2 . The cemetery for crossword puzzle addicts?
3. The minister who cut his face shaving while thinking about his sermon?

Answers:

1. His business wound up in the hands of a receiver.
2. The graves are six feet down and three across.
3. He got a note in the collection plate telling him to think about his face and cut his sermon. 

Credit:
2: Victor Marlier in Reader's Digest

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT LI

Did you hear about .................

1. The hungry clock?
2. The two TV antennas that got married?
3. The snake charmer who married the undertaker?
4. The guy who couldn't find another singer to perform with?
5. The Medicare patient who had surgery and woke up to find a note taped to his incision?

Answers:

1. It went back four seconds.
2. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great.
3. They have towels marked "Hiss" and "Hearse."
4. He went out and bought a duet yourself kit.
5. It said, "Your tax dollars at work."

Credits:
3: Wiley Alexander in Reader's  Digest
4: John S. Crosbie in Reader's Digest
5. Clyde Moore in Reader's Digest 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT L

Did you hear about ................

1. The Eskimo couple who were trying to start a famiy?
2. The restaurant on the moon?
3. The frog who parked in a no parking zone?
4. The guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
5. The French cheese factory that exploded?

Answers:

1. They were hoping to hear the chatter of little teeth.
2. The food is good, but there's no atmosphere. 
3. His car was towed.
4. He was awarded the No Bell prize. 
5. There was nothing left but debris*


Credit:
1: From Reader's Digest
    Contributed by Robert Orben 

(5: brie) 

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT XLIX

Did you hear about .......................

1. What the police said when they arrested the mime?
2. The book about the two conjoined cats who shared an appendage?
3. The father who wouldn't stop talking about his new baby?
4. The secretary at the property foreclosure company?

Answers:

1. They told him, "You have the right to remain silent."
2. It's called "A Tail of Two Kitties".  
3. Finally, he had to get up to change the subject.
4. She mistakenly ended a final notice letter, "Very truly ours."


Credits: Reader's Digest 
3: Bill Gold
4: Marcia L. Keller

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT XLVIII

Did you hear about ...........................

1. The golden oldie about Japanese food preparation?
2. The cook who wanted to double the recipe?
3. The Christmas play produced by the atheists?
4. The lawyer who didn't like what the restaurant offered?

Answers:

1. "If you knew sushi like I know sushi .............." 
2. The oven wouldn't go to 700 degrees.
3. It was called Coincidence on 34th Street.
4. He asked for a change of menu.

Credit:
1: Donna S. Levin 
2: Jay Trachman
3: Jay Leno