CLASSIFIED ADS VI

GAMES Magazine

May, 2002

AD INFINITUM

K. M. Paskert

 

Can you guess who's applying for these jobs?

 

1. Sailor needs job in canning industry

    Expert spinach taster

 

2. Jolly, bit overweight man seeks 

    off-season work Has own 

    transportation Must park on roof

 

3. Trio needs construction work

    Expert in sticks, straw, and brick work

 

4. One-time POTUS seeks new job

    Will work for peanuts

 

5. Couple lost previous position due to

    major misunderstanding 

    Good at gardening No snakes

6. Dashing, impeccably-dressed man

    Seeks night-time work

    Must be finished by dawn

7. Retiring at end of year

    Seeking new career

    Scythe expert

8. Woman seeks job as bareback

    rider for circus, etc. Experienced

9. Well-traveled man seeks moonlighting

    position Prefers small-step work 

    Giant leap in salary 

Answers:

 

1. Popeye 

2. Santa Claus

3. Three Little Pigs

4. Jimmy Carter

5. Adam and Eve

6. Count Dracula

7. Father Time

8. Lady Godiva

9. Neil Armstrong

    

CLASSIFIED ADS V

NY Times Crossword

August 24, 2022

Colin Ernst

 

REAL ESTATE EUPHEMISMS

 

What it says: 

Super cozy and a breeze to clean

What it means:

Studio apartment

 

What it says:

You can cancel that gym membership

What it means:

Five-floor walk-up

 

What it says:

This space has endless possibilities

What it means:

Major fixer-upper

 

CLASSIFIED ADS IV

Can you think of a pitch to draw attention to these garage sale items?

 

1. Old TV with a broken volume knob - $10

2. Baseball mitt, has a small hole - $1 

3. Guitar, never used - $15

4. Textbook, a few pages torn out - $2

5. Flashlight without batteries - $0

Answers:

 

1. CAN'T TURN THAT DOWN!

2. DROP EVERYTHING

3. NO STRINGS ATTACHED

4. LIMITED EDITION

5. FREE OF CHARGE 

 

Credits:

1:    Tim Vine

2-5: Jeff Kremer

        NY Times Crossword 

        Nov. 28, 2021

 

CLASSIFIED ADS III

Item on Craigslist: Antique sewing table refinished by my wife: $30

                               If she's home: $100

 

Credit:

Reader's Digest

Submitted by: Judy Brandt 

CLASSIFIED ADS II

FOR SALE: WRITING DESK

Perfectly suitable for a lady with thick legs and large drawers

CLASSIFIED ADS I

Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, highchair;
Also two single beds

Ad on a billboard for the law office of Larry L. Archie:
"Just because you did it doesn't mean you're guilty."