NEWSPAPER HEADLINES/ARTICLE HEADINGS III

SHARK ATTACKS PUZZLE EXPERTS

AMPHIBIOUS PITCHER MAKES DEBUT

COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

OBESITY STUDY SEEKS LARGER TEST GROUP 

I HAD A STROKE AND WOKE UP SPEAKING WELSH

RALLY AGAINST APATHY ATTRACTS SMALL CROWD

PEOPLE THINK ALIENS ARE MORE SMARTER THAN US 

FISH ON DRUGS MORE LIKELY TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL

POLICEMAN LOSES NOSE IN CIRCUMCISION CEREMONY

NEWSPAPER GAFFES AND FLASHES VIII

In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacaca. The Gazette regrets the error.

FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO CHURCH LEADERS

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

POLICE HELP DOG BITE VICTIM

20-YEAR FRIENDSHIP ENDS AT ALTAR

Source:

Anguished English

Richard Lederer

NEWSPAPER GAFFES AND FLASHES VII

From Reader's Digest

 

From the Ottawa Citizen

 

                                        CORRECTED CORRECTION

 

We wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn, published Oct.22. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our initial regrets were unacceptable, and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology.

NEWPAPER GAFFES AND FLASHES VI 

From Reader's Digest

STOP THE PRESSES

 

Some headlines are better than the news they deliver:

 

Self-Proclaimed Invisible Man No-Show at Court Hearing

Daily Herald (Provo, Utah)

Police Arrest Naked Man with Concealed Weapon

SUV Crashes into House After Suffering Seizure

Great Falls Tribune (Montana)

 

 

 

NEWSPAPER GAFFES V

Reporting an accident involving a California woman, a Monterey newspaper said, "The area in which she was injured is spectacularly scenic."

NEWSPAPER GAFFES IV

1. From an article in the Detroit News:

    Some 40% of female gas station employees are women.

 

2. In the Toronto Star:

    Marijuana Issue Sent to a Joint Committee

Newspaper Gaffes III

From The Times Record (Bath, Maine): 

Except for a tragic accident, the 35th Bath Heritage Days parade went off without a hitch.

NEWSPAPER GAFFES & FLASHES II

From The Dallas Morning News: "Norma Adams-Wade's June 15 column incorrectly called Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk a socialist. She is a socialite."

From the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette police blotter: "A man on South Walton Boulevard reported a man with a small white dog yelling obscenities."

A British newspaper, The Independent on Sunday, ran the following news flash: "Welsh tortoise recaptured 1.8 miles from home after eight months on the run."

MORE ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES II

THIEVES GET 9 MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
VACCINE MAY CONTAIN RABIES
STOLEN CAR FOUND BY TREE
HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
RED TAPE HOLDS UP BRIDGE
HOSPITAL SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
TEAMSTER ADIVSOR MUDERED*

*Look closely.

  Two of the three words in this headline are misspelled.

STOP THE PRESSES!
Credit: GAMES Magazine
August, 1983
Dave Downey

The stories described by the these fictitious newspaper headlines are actually the titles of eight nursery rhymes. Can you guess the rhyme from the headline?

1. UN-COOPERATIVE HORTICULTURALIST INTERROGATED ABOUT NURSERY

2. DINING DEB ALARMED BY ARACHNID

3. ELDERLY PET OWNER NOTES FOOD SHORTAGE

4. FLUTIST'S SON CONVICTED IN SWINE LARCENY

5. WOMAN ATTACKS RODENT TRIO WITH A BLADE

6. BOY, GIRL INJURED IN TOPPLE FROM WELL

7. SHEPHERDESS CONSOLED AFTER DISAPPEARANCE OF HERD

8. TWO DOZEN LIVE POULTRY FOUND IN ROYAL DESSERT

Answers:

1. "Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary"
2. "Little Miss Muffit"
3. "Old Mother Hubbard"
4. "Tom Tom, the Piper's Son"
5. "Three Blind Mice"
6. "Jack and Jill"
7. "Little Bo-Peep"
8. "Sing a Song of Sixpence"

ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES I

TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE
WAR DIMS HOPES FOR PEACE
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE
EXPERT: SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH

NEWSPAPER GAFFES & FLASHES I

SOME MISTAKES ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS

This correction actually appeared in the Smithtown, Long Island, Pennysaver Newspaper:

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our course titled "Easy Skydiving in One Fell Swoop," please make the following correction: On page 8, line 16, change "state ZIP code" to "pull rip cord." Thank you. Montezuma Mail Order Company