LOOKING FOR LOVE

These are actual personal ads that appeared in Israeli newspapers.
Credit: Anna Welander/ Stan Kegel

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows?

Sincere rabbinical student, 27, enjoys celebrating Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, observing the Shabbat, studying Torah and Talmud, attending synogogue. Seeking companion for living life in the fast lane.

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons, no baggage, no personality.

Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Female graduate student, studying Cabala, Zohar, numerology, exorcism of dybbuks. Seeks companion. No weirdos, please.

Desperately seeking Shmoozin'! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching and kvelling.

80-year old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbas candles, celebrate High Holidays, build sukkah together, attend brisses, bar and bat mitzvahs. Religion not important.

Are you the girl I spoke with at the Kiddush after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the herring stain on my tie.)