IRISH BULLS

An Irish Bull is a ludicrous, incongruent, or logically absurd statement, generally (but not always) recognized as such by its author. It contains two thoughts or actions that initially seem sensible, but in fact contradict each other.

1. An Irish bull is always pregnant. (Prof. John P. Mahaffy)
2. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 
3. Once you get started, you won't know where to begin.
4. Gentlemen, it's unanimous - we agree on nothing.
5. From now on we shall offer police jobs to women regardless of gender.
6. A lot of people my age are dead at the present time. (Casey Stengel)
7. No one goes to that restaurant anymore; it's too crowded. (Yogi Berra)
8. He gets up at six o'clock in the morning no matter what time it is. (Leo Rosten)
9. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. (Samuel Goldwyn)
10. If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. (Samuel Goldwyn)
11. Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible. (Samuel Goldwyn)
12. He'll regret it to his dying day, if he ever lives that long. (Will Danaher)
13. Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. (Yogi Berra)
14. I'd give my last dollar to be a millionaire.
15. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
16. If you break your leg falling out of that tree, don't come running to me.
17. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize this time. (Bill Lorenz)
18. You wouldn't recognize an act of kindness if it hit you in the face.
19) 1. Resolved by this Council, that we build a new Jail. 2. Resolved that the new Jail be built out of the materials of the old Jail. 3. Resolved, that the old Jail be used until the new Jail is finished. (passed by the Board of Councilmen in Canton, Mississippi)