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My teenage son was leaving the house to go on a date. He looked at my wife and me and teased, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I answered, "Don't worry. We won't clean your room."

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   Joe and Gary were both rich but evil brothers who attended the same church. When Gary died, Joe handed the pastor a large check to pay for a fancy new building. "I have only one condition," Joe growled. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."
   The pastor agreed and deposited the check. At the funeral, he went to the pulpit and declared, "Gary was an evil man who cheated on his wife and betrayed his friends. But compared to Joe, Gary was a saint."