JOKES

From Reader's Digest
Contributed by Frances M. Douglass

   One morning I answered a tentative knock at my door and found two small boys standing there.
   "Would you like to buy a scratching post for your cat?" one boy asked.
   "It's only a dollar," his companion said.
   "I don't have a cat," I responded.
   "Oh, that's all right," I was assured. "We give you the kitten."

   I now have a scratching post - and a cat.

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From Reader's Digest
Contributed by Helen Bagby

[From JA: Can you complete the joke?]

I play bridge with seven other women, most of whom are seventy or older. Recently we celebrated the birthday of our oldest member by taking her out to lunch. When the waitress came to take our order, one of the women said to her, "This is a very special occasion. It's Elsie's ninety-second birthday."
  The waitress made seven instant enemies - and one fast friend - by asking, "?????"

Answer:

"Which one is Elsie?"