PICTURESQUE SPEECH VIII
From Reader's Digest

SIGNS OF INTEREST

Tax preparation service:
WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEND THE VERY LEAST

Tattoo removal:
GET YOUR EX-WIFE OFF YOUR BACK

Nursery:
WE WATCH OVER OUR PHLOX BY NIGHT

On a Nordic Track for sale:
LIKE NEW, HARDLY USED.  ASK FOR CHUBBY

Nursery:
MUD THROWN IS GROUND LOST

Gym:
WORKOUTS TO MAKE GROWN MEN YOUNG
AND YOUNG MEN GROAN

Second-hand store:
TOO GOOD TO BE THROUGH

In a Texas jewelry store:
TIARAS - $70,000
THREE FOR $200,000

In a pharmacy:
WE DISPENSE WITH ACCURACY

In a hat shop in Cairo, Egypt:
TRY OUR TURBAN RENEWAL PLAN

Name on a doctor's boat:
TRANQUIL LIZA

On the bulletin board at Georgia Tech:
For sale: 150-pound weight lifting equipment.
Contact Room 305, Towers Dormitory.
Note posted just below it the next day:
HALLELUJAH
ROOM 205, TOWERS DORMITORY

On the fence surrounding the religious compound of the Sisters of Mercy:
TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW

Posted over a table of miscellaneous items:
L OST & FOOUND (Clyde R. Bulla)

Hanging in the lobby of a high-rise apartment house:
Do Under Others As You Would Have Them Do Under You.

Headline of an article in the Cleveland Plain Dealer:
VEGETARIANS MEET TO ESCHEW THE FAT

Notice in department store:
GOD MAY HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES - - WE PROSECUTE

Sign on a dryer in a coin laundry:
THIS DRYER IS WORTHLESS
Sign on the dryer directly to its right:
THIS DRYER IS NEXT TO WORTHLESS

Message at the bottom of the menu of an East Indian restaurant in London:
SERVICE CHARGE OF TEN PERCENT IS ADDED. PLEASE LEAVE NO GRATITUDE.