IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT - 2012

Below are some "winners" from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest of 2012. Please see the DARK AND STORMY NIGHT post of July 8, 2014 for an explanation of this contest.

2012
Winner
As he told her he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noticed the infestation of eyelash mites burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a singe follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.
Cathy Bryant, Manchester, England

Purple Prose
Corinne considered the colors (palest green, gray, and lavender) and texture ( downy as the finest velvet) and wondered, "How long have these cold cuts been in my refrigerator?"
Linda Boatright, Omaha, NE

Dishonorable Mention
Haley's crystal eyes surveyed the vista that stretched in front of her like a vast comforter tossed over the form of a slumbering giant to the hills that rose abruptly like the hastily drawn up knees of the giant when he has to reach down and rub the cramp out of his foot that he experiences when he's stretching underneath his vast comforter.
Robin Siepel, Bakersfield, CA

Romance
"Your eyes are like deep blue pools that I would like to drown in," he told Kimberly when she had asked him what he was thinking; but what  he was actually thinking was that he had to recharge his cell phone and take that check to the storage place, but he wasn't going to tell her that.
Dan Leyde, Edmonds, WA

Vile Puns 
The two power-hungry, twenty-something biographers met with me incognito and settled on penning my memoirs, one on a percentage of future sales, and one on up-front remuneration; so there was one yuppie I pay, one yuppie I owe, ghostwriters in disguise.
Peter Bjorkman, Rocklin, CA