IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT: 2015 - 2016

Below are some "winners" from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest of 2015 - 2016. Please see the DARK AND STORMY NIGHT post of July 8, 2014 for an explanation of this contest.


2015
Children's Literature - Winner
The doctors all agreed the inside of Charlie's intestinal tract looked like some dark, dank subway system in a decaying inner city, blackened polyps hanging from every corner like tiny ticking terrorist time bombs, waiting to burst forth in cancerous activity; however, to Timmy the Tapeworm, this was home.
E. David Moulton, Summerville, SC

Dishonorable Mention
Jacob and Elisa had been warned by their parents on numerous occasions never to venture into the Amber Woods after dark or risk some vague and unspoken fate once within the trees, so they didn't and just played in their front yards instead.
Eric Lorrenz, Phoenix, AZ

Western
Spurs a-jangling, Black Bert sauntered to the bar and cried "this town ain't big enough!" - then gulped a whisky, fingered his six-shooter, and belched - "so I say we annex Dry Gulch, thus increasing our tax base while simultaneously reducing fixed costs through economies of scale.
Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ

Vile Puns
Locals know it as Pinocchio Rock, because it's shaped like a proboscis, and lies at the edge of the cliff.
John Holmes, St. Petersburg, FL

2016
Purple Prose - Winner
She was like my ex-girlfriend Ashley, who'd stolen my car, broken my heart, murdered my father, robbed a bank, and set off a pipe bomb in Central Park - tall.
Rachel Nirenbeg,Toronto, Canada

Dishonorable Mention
When Margie told me we were going to rob the jewelry store instead of going for pedicures, my mind bent under the weight of it all like a cheap paper plate at a family barbecue when it is filled with all the wet heavy stuff like baked beans and sauerkraut.
Dorothy Harbeck, Fair Haven, NJ 

Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mention
As the first shovelful of earth fell on her father's coffin, Emily kneeled at the graveside sobbing, overwrought by the sudden realization that, not only had she lost her only living relative, but she had somehow forgotten to set her DVR to record this week's episode of "House of Cards," an episode she had particularly wanted to see because of a rumored and breathlessly anticipated guest appearance by a nephew of Don Ho.
Rob Rachlin, Greensboro, NC