JOKES

Harry can't figure out what to get his girlfriend for her birthday. "Oh," she says, "just take me someplace expensive." So he drops her off at the gas station.

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A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

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When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, "We never go to bed angry."

"That's a great philosophy," I noted. 

"Yes. And the longest we've been awake so far is five days."

Reader's Digest - Submitted by Don Bolden

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The new monk is assigned to copy the old texts by hand. Noticing that he'll be copying from copies and not from the original manuscripts, he tells an elderly monk, "If there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all the subsequent copies." 

   The elderly monk agrees and goes to the cellar with a copy to check it against the original. Hours go by and nobody see him. Concerned, the new monk searches for him in the cellar. Hearing wailing, he finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books. Looking up, he sobs, "The word is celebrate."