JOKES

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He's telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young blonde-haired beauty jumps to her feet.

   "What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?" she demands. "What does hair color have to do with my worth as a  human being?

   Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

    "You keep out of this!" she yells. "I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee."

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As a patient was being discharged from the hospital, he appeared to be dizzy. The clerk became concerned and asked, "Do you have vertigo?"

   "No," the patient answered. "I only live a few blocks away."

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One day at a local cafe, a woman suddenly called out, "My daughter's choking! She swallowed a dime! Please, anyone, help!"

Immediately a man at a nearby table came up to her and said he was experienced in these situations. He calmly stepped over to the girl, then, with no look of concern, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Out popped the dime.

The man returned to his table as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" the mother cried. "You saved my daughter's life! Are you a doctor?"

"No," the man replied. "I work for the IRS." 

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A boxer and a dachshund are out in deep, soft snow. The boxer says, "My legs and paws are freezing." The dachshund says, "You think you've got problems?"