RESUME REGRETS III

From Reader's Digest

June, 2009

 

Resume strung together with actual blunders made by job seekers:

 

Dear Sir or Madman,

 

I am sure you have looked through resumes with the same information about work experience, education, and references. I am not going to give you any of that stuff.

 

I would love to interview for the position of (insert job title here). If you grant me an interview for (insert job title here), I feel confident you'll see why I am the right person for the job.

 

My mother delivered me without anesthesia, so I have an IQ of 146 and can therefore learn anything.

 

I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment. But I have integrity, so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.

 

Please don't regard my 14 previous positions as job-hopping. I never once quit a job. They stopped paying me. 

 

In my next life, I will be a professional back-up dancer or a rabbi, but for now I am attacking my resume for you to review. I realize that my resume is no longer exemplary thanks to my family destroying the computer file. Nevertheless, here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

 

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty.