JOKES

From Reader's Digest

Mario Cuomo, former governor of New York State, once began a speech to the New York Press Club by relating some last-minute advice his wife, Matilda, had given him just before he left.

"I know they're a tough group," she said, but don't be intimidated. And don't try to be charming, witty, or intellectual. Just be yourself."

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From Reader's Digest

Submitted by Sandra Berish

My husband and I usually exchange gifts for Valentine's Day, but since we were experiencing lean times, we decided to tell each other what we would give if money were no problem. I told Joe that my dream gift to him would be tickets to a University of Michigan basketball game, with an overnight stay to visit our old Detroit dating haunts. 

   I gazed romantically into Joe's eyes and asked what his gift to me would be. There was a long pause. "Well, he said, "you could come with me."

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Woman to friend: My husband found a cockroach in the kitchen. 

Friend: What did he do?

Woman: He scrubbed the floor and scoured the whole kitchen.

Friend: Anything to get rid of a cockroach.

Woman: Tomorrow, I'm going to put the cockroach in the bathroom.