ANGUISHED ENGLISH II

An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language

Richard Lederer 

1.The government of England was a limited mockery.

2. Henry VIII had difficulty walking because of the abbess on his knee.

3. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

 

4. The British Navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

5. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare was born in the year 1654, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.

6. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.

7. John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

8. Johann Bach write a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster, which he kept in his attic.

 

9. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps.

10. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.