THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

Ambrose Bierce

A 

Absurdity - A statement of belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion

 

Academe - An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught

 

Academy - A modern school where football is taught

 

Accountability - The mother of caution 

 

Accuse - To affirm another guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves  for having wronged him

 

Achievement -  The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust

Acquaintance - A person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to

Adherent - A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get

Admiration - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves

Alone - In bad company

Apologize - To lay the foundation for a future offense

 

Appeal -  In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw

Applause - The echo of a platitude

Art - This word has no definition