LAST WORDS XVIII

Winston Churchill once received two tickets from George Bernard Shaw for the opening-night performance of his latest play, with the invitation: "Bring a friend - if you have one." Churchill was engaged that night and responded - asking for tickets to the second night, with the addition: "If there is one."

Flying home after being crowned heavyweight champion of the world, Muhammad Ali was asked by a flight attendant to fasten his seat belt:

Muhammad Ali: Superman don't need no seat belt.

Flight attendant: Superman don't need no plane.

Dorothy Parker on being told Calvin Coolidge was dead:

"How can they tell?"

A priest asked Voltaire as he was dying to renounce Satan.

Voltaire: Now is not the time for making new enemies.