IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT - 2025 AND ARCHIVE

Sadly, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has been discontinued as of March, 2025. Begun in 1983 and presided over for over four decades by Scott Rice, the contest celebrated the worst possible opening sentences to the worst possible novels. Rice cited his age and the burden of evaluating the thousands of entries as reasons for his retirement. 

As a continuing tribute to his work, that of his daughter EJ Rice, and the many "undistinguished" judges  of the past, I will post some of the "winners" from previous years.

1983

The camel died quite suddenly on the second day,  and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails - not for the first time since the journey began - pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconvenience like all the other holidays spent with Basil.

Gail Cane, San Francisco, CA 

 

1986

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.

Patricia E. Presutti, Lewiston, NY

 

1994

As the fading light of a dying day filtered through the window blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a smoking .45, surprised at the serenity that filled him after pumping six slugs into the bloodless tyrant that mocked him day after day, and then he shuffled out of the office with one last look at the shattered computer terminal lying there like a silicon armadillo left to rot on the information superhighway. 

Larry Brill, Austin, TX