IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT - 2008

Below are some "winners" from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest of 2008. Please see the DARK AND STORMY NIGHT post from July 8, 2014 for an explanation of this contest.

Romance
Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner.
Jeanne Villa, Novato, CA

Science Fiction
Timothy Hanson, Commander of the 43rd Space Regiment in the 52nd Battalion on board the USAOPAC (United Space Alliance of Planets Attack Carrier) and second in command to Admiral L.R. Morris of the USAOPSC (United Space Alliance of Planets Space Command), awoke early for breakfast.
Joe Schulman, Cartersville, GA

The dual-headed Zhiltoids, from Beta Quadrant in the Crab Nebula, who lived entirely on a diet of steaming hot asphalt, thought they had died and gone to heaven upon landing in the Midtown Mall of Fresno, California on planet Earth in the month they call "July".
Gregory Homer, Sacramento, CA

Vile Puns
Vowing revenge on his English teacher for making him memorize Wordsworth's "Intimations of Immortality," Warren decided to pour sugar in her gas tank, but he inadvertently grabbed a sugar substitute so it was actually Splenda in the gas.
Becky Mushko, Penhook, VA

Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mention
It was a dark and stormy night, except when the lightning flashed, because then it wasn't dark; it sort of turned the windows into a giant disco ball for a moment, but eventually the thunder and lightning stopped and it settled down to a steady light rain, so then it really was dark, but it would probably be a stretch to call it stormy.
Laura Loomis, Pittsburg, CA 

Carey, unnerved by an affair that had suffered through weeks of volatility, walked unsteadily, her dress etching complex Spirograph-like designs in the fine patina of dust along the antiquated floor, to a rose-scented box of love letters in a vain attempt to find solace, like a security fund trying to find liquidity in the U.S. sub-prime mortgage market.
Ray Pasimio, Chicago, IL

The tiny boat got tossed around on the ocean like a pinball in a pinball game played by a player who was really good at hitting all of those bumper things to get a really high score.
Maile Valentine, Lakeland, FL