JOKES

A telephone rang:

"Hello! is your phone number 444-444-4444?

"Yes, it is," came the reply. 

"Great! Could you call 911 for me? 

I super-glued by finger to the phone."

Exercise regimens for the exercise-averse:

CrossSit

AutoPilates

Chairmaster

Gluteus Minimus

My six-year old to her crying brother: "It's OK to be sad. Sometimes we need to let our feeling out. Just let yourself be sad."

Me: Oh darling, that's so lovely. Well done. Why is he crying anyway?

My six-year old: I hit him.