MALAPROPISMS II

A malapropism is the mistaken use of a word in place of the correct, similar-sounding one. Malapropisms are funny because they're spoken so unintentionally and often reflect a surprisingly new twist on a familiar phrase (a wolf in cheap clothing).

1.   My mother and I were discussing the pros and cons of today's new generation of doctors.. "They don't tap you on the back and chest like they used to," she said. "Now all they do is use a horoscope.
(stethoscope)

2.   When Jane returned after a two-day absence from my mother's class without a written excuse, she explained: " I forgot with all the excitement at home. My sister is getting married tomorrow, and I was helping her get  her torso ready." (trousseau)

3. An elderly woman in a drugstore, struggling to remember the name of a medicine, said, "It's named after a type of bad woman." The clerk finally figured out what she wanted - cortisone. (courtesan)

Credits:
From Reader's Digest 
1: H. Miller
2: Frank D. Shaw 
3: Neil Morgan